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Post by yggdrasil on Aug 4, 2020 10:12:23 GMT
Monkeys awoke in heaven, or at least, what his limited mind perceived that to be. He was in a room with Susan which was not the shoe store. Susan shattered Monkeys dream when she informed him that he was in hospital and she was there at the request of Mr Singh, to ensure that Monkeys was not malingering. Monkeys had always been a huge fan of immigrants and their work ethic and looked up to Rajinder Singh as a role model. Singh's family had moved to the East End from the grim netherland of "NoooooCastle when he was but 53 years old with nothing but dreams of a shoe empire to keep him warm at night. Monkeys had been his first employee and the kindly Indian had taken a chance on the malformed youngster despite his head shape and lack of spatial awareness. |
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Post by Flying Monkeys on Aug 4, 2020 12:55:24 GMT
However, the shape of his head had seen him get plenty of work as a model for Toby jugs and Henry vacuum cleaners, so it wasn't all bad.
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Post by Power Ranger on Aug 5, 2020 10:14:54 GMT
Susan has never felt comfortable around Monkeys. Stuck alone in this hospital room until the doctor arrived, she tried her best by remarking on Monkeys strong accent, and asking if it was northern. Monkeys response was that he was from an area so far north that it was above Scotland, above the Arctic, circumnavigate the world twice and return to the Arctic and there, that’s where he was from.
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Post by yggdrasil on Aug 5, 2020 17:44:45 GMT
Oh, Monkeys, Susan giggled un fetchingly, you can't keep letting Mr.Singh kick you in the head, he has just put in for an order of Doc. Martin's. You can't afford another brain injury, you keep saying everything will be back to normal by May, but it's now August and you aren't getting any better.
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Post by Power Ranger on Aug 8, 2020 5:13:37 GMT
Dr Oyobombo entered and Susan hurriedly made her exit after getting the assurance that Monkeys would indeed be out of action for a week. When he was sure that they were alone, ‘Dr’ Oyobombo informed Monkeys that he was not a doctor but in fact an agent of Mi5, and had some news for the shoe salesman.
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Post by Flying Monkeys on Aug 8, 2020 7:45:07 GMT
Monkeys scratched his backside waiting for the news.
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Post by yggdrasil on Aug 8, 2020 9:48:00 GMT
We have a job for you Monkeys, said the Suave Oyobombo. We believe the Chinese are interfering in the internationally critical "Chelsea Boots" market, flooding the world with shoddy imitations. We need a man in Beijing with nerves of steel to sort the blighters out, and we think that you are that man. Do this for us and there's a hat in it for you.
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Post by Power Ranger on Aug 8, 2020 10:08:22 GMT
Oyobombo also reassured Monkeys that his penis would be returned once he had completed the job. It hadn’t disappeared, only cloaked. Such technology exists only on objects less than a centre-meter in size.
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Post by yggdrasil on Aug 8, 2020 13:54:53 GMT
Luckily Monkeys had been excited by Susan's presence, otherwise he would not have registered on the machine at all. I'm your man Guv'ner he chirped, apples and pears and no mistake, gor blimey I am. Monkeys had returned to his mockney at the wrong time, the door slammed open and Mr. Singh, flowers in one hand and grapes in the other lashed out fiercely with a brand new pair of oxblood DMs connecting squarely with Monkeys jaw and knocking his last remaining tooth out.
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Post by Flying Monkeys on Aug 8, 2020 14:29:57 GMT
"How the hell does a door slam open?" wondered Monkeys as he contemplated getting better writers in his life.
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Post by Power Ranger on Aug 9, 2020 9:03:56 GMT
Beijing, China. Monkeys eyed the factory selling the counterfeit shoes. He had dressed in disguise as a Chinaman to enter the compound. He just had to wait for the shift changeover and join the hordes of underpaid factory workers. In the corner of his eye he noticed a cinema. The poster said that Jumanji was about to start in ten minutes. Should he complete his mission or watch a film starring Dwayne Johnson?
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Post by Flying Monkeys on Aug 9, 2020 9:21:51 GMT
Monkeys decided to go into the factory and asked for the manager. "Where's Mister Li?" "You see Mister Fong!" said the chinese reception functionary. "Mister fuckin Fong, is it? And where where the fuck is Fong?" "Downstair!" Monkeys went downstairs and found Fong with a man covered head to toe in a gimp suit. "Ah so, this gimp for Friday show for important chinee buriness men." When Fong's back was turned, Monkeys unzipped the gimp suit mouth. "Help! Help!" cried the weakling inside. "My name is Power Ranger and I want my mummy!"
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Post by yggdrasil on Aug 9, 2020 17:58:01 GMT
Monkeys immediately recognised the voice, and his memory returned to a single night of passion with Susan in a shoe closet, and the illigitimate child that had resulted somehow. (Medical science was still at a loss as to how the act could have been achieved). The boy had been shipped off, age 7 to Australia to hide their shame and make a worse life for himself.
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Post by Power Ranger on Aug 9, 2020 18:23:13 GMT
Monkeys realised then that he had been set up. He should have known that Oyobombo, with his strong Nigerian accent, was an unlikely Mi5 agent. He also knew what was coming next. ‘You will make shoes for us, Mister Monkeys, or your son will die’.
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Post by Flying Monkeys on Aug 9, 2020 19:27:35 GMT
Monkeys shook his head and realised he was still standing next to the little drip in a gimp suit who was crying "My name is Power Ranger! I am a stupid little boy!" In came a miserable, hypocritical-looking person who looked like he had piles. "Tory NHS tory tory NHS tory tory NHS tory tory..." said the miserable looking git. In came two muslim men. "Oh your lordships!" exclaimed the miserable man. "Silence white dog! Get us some underage white girls!" "Of course," said the man. "Oh for Britain to be dominated by islam, my dream is coming true!"
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