You're all amateurs compared to me on being Anathema
Mar 22, 2024 16:55:51 GMT
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Post by drystyx on Mar 22, 2024 16:55:51 GMT
Amateurs. I'm a professional at being Anathema, and I try not to be Anathema.
I remember one time, and by God this is a true story, I was in church, really wanting to be a Christian, trying to fit in, and asking how to be a good Christian.
Which is the way to get to be Anathema.
Okay, so we're told Jesus is the good shepherd, and a good shepherd knows his sheep, and protects his sheep.
So I asked why the shepherd protects his sheep, or why he keeps sheep. "For wool". And then someone added, "and to be slaughtered and eaten".
And the others agreed that the job of sheep was to eventually be slaughtered and eaten.
Any way, dumb ol' me had to ask the obvious question.
"Does Jesus want to slaughter and eat us?"
I got to say the whole thing, because they were too dumbfounded to break in. Usually, they just break in to what I ask, but I got to ask the whole question. I mean, seriously, if that is what a good shepherd does, do I really want to ask Jesus to be my good shepherd?
I was ready to ask that question, but I never got the chance to ask it. They were too busy doing the exorcist stuff or whatever, and gasping and shouting to the lord "oh the devil is in our midst!", "Save this precious child's soul from Satan", "oh, what a waste of a human soul", "who is this dumb sumbitch!" stuff like that, I guess because they were concerned about me.
Any way, I was Anathema like none of you will ever be Anathema. You're all amateurs. You try too hard, and they see through that. I was honestly inquisitive. They can deal with you riff raff, but they can't deal with people actually being honest about trying to be Christian.
I think they still speak about me there, in hushed tones, always making a sign of the cross, and they aren't even Catholics, and peering out the door to see if "that thing" is coming by again. The rest of you can go in and enter, and call God a sky monkey, and they just love you for it, but I come in there to honestly ask Jesus not to slaughter me and eat me, and they throw holy water all over me and then ask why I didn't melt.
I remember one time, and by God this is a true story, I was in church, really wanting to be a Christian, trying to fit in, and asking how to be a good Christian.
Which is the way to get to be Anathema.
Okay, so we're told Jesus is the good shepherd, and a good shepherd knows his sheep, and protects his sheep.
So I asked why the shepherd protects his sheep, or why he keeps sheep. "For wool". And then someone added, "and to be slaughtered and eaten".
And the others agreed that the job of sheep was to eventually be slaughtered and eaten.
Any way, dumb ol' me had to ask the obvious question.
"Does Jesus want to slaughter and eat us?"
I got to say the whole thing, because they were too dumbfounded to break in. Usually, they just break in to what I ask, but I got to ask the whole question. I mean, seriously, if that is what a good shepherd does, do I really want to ask Jesus to be my good shepherd?
I was ready to ask that question, but I never got the chance to ask it. They were too busy doing the exorcist stuff or whatever, and gasping and shouting to the lord "oh the devil is in our midst!", "Save this precious child's soul from Satan", "oh, what a waste of a human soul", "who is this dumb sumbitch!" stuff like that, I guess because they were concerned about me.
Any way, I was Anathema like none of you will ever be Anathema. You're all amateurs. You try too hard, and they see through that. I was honestly inquisitive. They can deal with you riff raff, but they can't deal with people actually being honest about trying to be Christian.
I think they still speak about me there, in hushed tones, always making a sign of the cross, and they aren't even Catholics, and peering out the door to see if "that thing" is coming by again. The rest of you can go in and enter, and call God a sky monkey, and they just love you for it, but I come in there to honestly ask Jesus not to slaughter me and eat me, and they throw holy water all over me and then ask why I didn't melt.
