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Post by kiwi on Apr 1, 2024 12:27:42 GMT
All Copies of Trump's Bible Recalled After It Was Found to Contain Nuclear Codes
APR 01, 2024
Brendan Smialowski/AFP via Getty Images
PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump’s ambition to become the nation’s leading Bible salesman hit a snag when the entire first printing of his $60 Holy Book was found to include stolen nuclear codes.
The error reportedly turned up in the Book of Genesis, a source familiar with the publication said, when “Noah is loading the animals onto the Ark and just starts shouting random numbers for no reason.”
The source struggled to explain how the classified codes wound up in Trump’s edition of the Scriptures, but added, “Generally when there’s a screwup this massive, Jared’s involved.”
“They were down at Mar-a-Lago, mashing up the Bible, the Pledge of Allegiance, Lee Greenwood lyrics, and other things that were lying around,” the source said. “Mistakes were made.”
According to the source, the recall of the Trump Bible is expected to “totally wipe out” the gains the indicted businessman made in the stock market last week and has rendered him “ketchup-throwing mad.”
“He’s furious that he has to take the nuclear codes out of the Bible,” the source said. “It’s the only part he’s read.”
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Post by abbey1227 on Apr 1, 2024 13:34:59 GMT
All Copies of Trump's Bible Recalled After It Was Found to Contain Nuclear CodesAPR 01, 2024 Brendan Smialowski/AFP via Getty Images PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)— Donald J. Trump’s ambition to become the nation’s leading Bible salesman hit a snag when the entire first printing of his $60 Holy Book was found to include stolen nuclear codes.The error reportedly turned up in the Book of Genesis, a source familiar with the publication said, when “Noah is loading the animals onto the Ark and just starts shouting random numbers for no reason.” The source struggled to explain how the classified codes wound up in Trump’s edition of the Scriptures, but added, “Generally when there’s a screwup this massive, Jared’s involved.” “They were down at Mar-a-Lago, mashing up the Bible, the Pledge of Allegiance, Lee Greenwood lyrics, and other things that were lying around,” the source said. “Mistakes were made.” According to the source, the recall of the Trump Bible is expected to “totally wipe out” the gains the indicted businessman made in the stock market last week and has rendered him “ketchup-throwing mad.” “He’s furious that he has to take the nuclear codes out of the Bible,” the source said. “It’s the only part he’s read.”
Next thing on the market will be bottled Holy Water
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Post by kiwi on Apr 1, 2024 13:37:42 GMT
All Copies of Trump's Bible Recalled After It Was Found to Contain Nuclear CodesAPR 01, 2024 Brendan Smialowski/AFP via Getty Images PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)— Donald J. Trump’s ambition to become the nation’s leading Bible salesman hit a snag when the entire first printing of his $60 Holy Book was found to include stolen nuclear codes.The error reportedly turned up in the Book of Genesis, a source familiar with the publication said, when “Noah is loading the animals onto the Ark and just starts shouting random numbers for no reason.” The source struggled to explain how the classified codes wound up in Trump’s edition of the Scriptures, but added, “Generally when there’s a screwup this massive, Jared’s involved.” “They were down at Mar-a-Lago, mashing up the Bible, the Pledge of Allegiance, Lee Greenwood lyrics, and other things that were lying around,” the source said. “Mistakes were made.” According to the source, the recall of the Trump Bible is expected to “totally wipe out” the gains the indicted businessman made in the stock market last week and has rendered him “ketchup-throwing mad.” “He’s furious that he has to take the nuclear codes out of the Bible,” the source said. “It’s the only part he’s read.”
Next thing on the market will be bottled Holy Water
We've got a Godfather's theme going today. |
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Post by mikemonger on Apr 1, 2024 13:39:48 GMT
All Copies of Trump's Bible Recalled After It Was Found to Contain Nuclear CodesAPR 01, 2024 Brendan Smialowski/AFP via Getty Images PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)— Donald J. Trump’s ambition to become the nation’s leading Bible salesman hit a snag when the entire first printing of his $60 Holy Book was found to include stolen nuclear codes.The error reportedly turned up in the Book of Genesis, a source familiar with the publication said, when “Noah is loading the animals onto the Ark and just starts shouting random numbers for no reason.” The source struggled to explain how the classified codes wound up in Trump’s edition of the Scriptures, but added, “Generally when there’s a screwup this massive, Jared’s involved.” “They were down at Mar-a-Lago, mashing up the Bible, the Pledge of Allegiance, Lee Greenwood lyrics, and other things that were lying around,” the source said. “Mistakes were made.” According to the source, the recall of the Trump Bible is expected to “totally wipe out” the gains the indicted businessman made in the stock market last week and has rendered him “ketchup-throwing mad.” “He’s furious that he has to take the nuclear codes out of the Bible,” the source said. “It’s the only part he’s read.”
Next thing on the market will be bottled Holy Water
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Post by mikemonger on Apr 1, 2024 13:40:49 GMT
Next thing on the market will be bottled Holy Water
We've got a Godfather's theme going today. Devil's Advocate, not Godfather. |
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Post by kuatorises on Apr 1, 2024 13:41:14 GMT
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Post by abbey1227 on Apr 1, 2024 13:43:42 GMT
We've got a Godfather's theme going today. Devil's Advocate, not Godfather.
I went looking for the grown up Damien doing the same bit ;)
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Post by slowcomingwarbird on Apr 1, 2024 14:05:11 GMT
Stolen nuclear codes hidden in a Bible, without a doubt Donald Trump is a James Bond villain.
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Post by PaulsLaugh on Apr 1, 2024 14:09:31 GMT
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Post by kiwi on Apr 1, 2024 15:18:02 GMT
Throw this money-grubbing merchant out of the temple. |
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