Jokes you know off the top of your head thread

I used to cook in the kitchen of an insane asylum. 

I served soup to nuts.   

Why did the pervert cross the road?
Couldn't get his knob out the chicken.

I was at my annual check up when the doctor suddenly stuck his finger in my butt.

Do you think I should change dentists?

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular people-porn, you sick bastard.

I used to date a girl with a wooden leg, but it didn’t work out, so I broke it off.
 
I used to date a girl with a wandering eye, but I let her go when I found that she was seeing someone on the side.

I used to date a girl who had a Conceal Carry Permit. But all those guns made me nervous, so I sent her packing. 

I used to date a girl who had a colostomy. But we broke up because she always left me holding the bag.

I used to date a girl that loved bar-hopping, but we split up because she was always driving me to drink.

I used to date girls who were conjoined twins, but they got tired of me and split.

Stu Francis?

What’s hairy, smells like fish and rhymes with punt?


Rex Hunt.